Of Friends and Lovers
by nakala
Summary: Things are a bit twisted between Lacey, Danny, and Jo. Friendships are being tested, and can love outweigh trust? Lacey doesn't know, but she's trying to figure it out. How is Lacey dealing with the fallout of the sextape release? Dacey relationship and Jacey friendship.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my take on events after Poison of Interest. I just felt some kind of way then I felt another kind of way. So this is it. And someone has to agree that the police should be looking for the person who distributed the video of Danny and Lacey because that person is distributing porn, right? If I'm wrong someone let me know. **

The video came out. Despite my best efforts. But that wasn't all I was concerned about. I was worried that my friendship with Jo might not make it through this. Yeah, she really didn't have any right to be as upset as she was, but no one's perfect, and I'm pretty sure she felt like a fool for loving someone who was with someone else. Someone who was becoming her best friend again. But I couldn't tell her about me and Danny. It was clearly out of concern for her, but I'm sure no one would see it that way because Jo was upset; so, it had to be a malicious act, right. She wasn't the only person who was getting a friend back, so was I. I didn't want to mess that up.

We were finally getting back to us. Not us, us. We could never be that. It had been three years since we were anything close to resembling friends. We'd had so many different experiences, travelled down two completely different paths for so long. I knew we could never have been what we were before Danny murdered his aunt. We could never be that again, but we were becoming friends. Maybe even best friends. But that creep had to record Danny and me and distribute it to the whole school. Per the law, this person should technically be in jail. There should be an investigation. That was practically porn. Am I right?

What really hurt, though, was finding out that Jo loved Danny. I had no idea. How would I have known? She wasn't confiding in me, and I wasn't confiding in her. There was no way either of us could have known anything about the other. Not at that time. It wasn't until after Danny's trial thing that she finally decided to open up to me. Not before, which she could have done, instead of going to speak on his behalf without me. I might have gone to help, had either of them given me the opportunity, but why would I expect anything more from Jo or Danny. I wasn't really inside _their_ loop. However, take it for Danny to know everything.

He didn't seem too surprised by the revelation, which if I was to be honest, he always seemed to know a lot more about a lot things than he let on. He is not as innocent or sincere as he portrays. That's why I found it hard to fall in love with him. I do have strong feelings for him, very strong, but love requires trust and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't trust him. He never gave me any reason to. He was always so elusive with me. Always deflecting with kisses and jokes. Not to mention he seemed way too concerned about everything happening in Jo's life. I wasn't jealous. No. Because, I believed he genuinely had some kind of feelings for me, but she came first. There's no questioning that. Maybe that's why after everything he'd lied about and kept from us Jo could still love him. How she fell in love with him, I can only wonder about, but she did. Whether it was induced by him or not. She loved him. She loved Danny even though she didn't trust him. I commend her for that.

Jo's not like me in that respect. I couldn't bring myself to love someone that, in all truthfulness, I didn't really know. We didn't get to know each other again. We just dove into a heated physical relationship with no ground work or foundation. We were doomed from the beginning. It was inevitable that we would end at some point. Too many things were unsaid and Danny refused to discuss anything with _me. _He had Jo for that. Eventually, I did too.

I should have told her. Danny wanted to. He always wanted to tell Jo. Everything. I didn't want to tell her this. I was too afraid of things being weird between the three of us. Our start was one of the most rocky there could have been. Not just from her end but also from mine. We had unsettled issues that Danny was forcing us to hash out in front of him. Not because we wanted to but because he wanted us to. I bet we would have done anything for him. That's why our efforts - me and Jo - at being friends didn't work. It would have been for all the wrong reasons, and that's why I couldn't tell her. I had just invaded their little private club. We were just beginning to break past all of our issues. How could I shake the fragile foundation that we'd just started to build? I didn't want that. I didn't want to lose my new relationship with Jo. Or Danny. He couldn't see that, though. I figure he thought I was just being selfish. I wasn't. I kept my silence about Danny and me for all of us. I'm sure Jo would have done the same.

Jo and I are so much more alike, even though we seem completely different. Neither of us would ever admit that under threat of death, but it's true. We're both stubborn and passionate people and a whole lot of other things. Even though I seem, almost docile, maybe even difficult, I am a very emotional person, just like Jo; however, unlike Jo, I don't wear every emotion I'm experiencing on my sleeve, or face for that matter. That's just not who I am. It's not how I deal with things. I like to handle things in my own time. Just like Jo. One of our most obviously shared attributes is that we need space. We need time to process, to wind down, and allow our hotheads to cool, or sulk if the occasion calls for it.

After the school hearing, Jo confessing her love for Danny, and the release of the video, I respected her need for space. I gave her time to cool down. I gave her time to come to terms with whatever it was that she needed to come to terms with. I would have wanted the same if it were me. I couldn't say the same for Danny. He's persistent. Too persistent sometimes. He wanted to make her forgive us on his time not hers (not that forgiveness was necessarily needed). He wanted to make her understand our reasoning. He didn't understand that she wouldn't be in any mood to hear anything from either us the day after everything went down, but he wouldn't listen to me.

He tried, but it didn't work.

I would try to talk to her later.

**Okay, I know you're wondering where this is going, but just hang in there all you Lacey fans and even Jo fans, and Danny fans. Things have to unfold. This was just the set up. But don't expect any other POVs because you won't be getting any; this is all in Lacey's POV because honestly we don't get enough of it on the show. **

**So let me know what you think. Like or dislike. (Really doesn't matter because I will be posting this to completion whether you review or not :) ****) **

**The next update should be up tomorrow. **

**Thanks for reading!**

**nakala**


	2. Chapter 2

Some time after Jo found out about Danny and me, I decided to pay her a visit. She had missed a day or two of school but when I saw her that day at her locker the look she gave me just, so full of – I don't want to say hate, but it was close. I knew I had to talk to her. It was really time she got off of her high horse and got over the fact that we lied to her, by omission, which in my book has nothing to do with lying. What Danny and I had, had nothing to do with her. Not at that time anyway. She and I weren't even close to being the friends we almost became. I owed her nothing just as she owed me nothing.

I mean, so what, Danny and I had a relationship, it wasn't like her body was living in perpetuity on every teenager's phone in town. I was the one who should have been mortified. I should have been the one shunning all outside interaction trapping myself inside my room not daring to come out. But I wasn't. I swallowed all the humiliation that enshrouded me and continued on living. I'm not saying it wasn't hard. It was especially hard considering I was completely friendless, no Danny and no Jo. I was handling things on my own, something I was good at.

Jo was bent out of shape all because she loved a boy who didn't love her back. Because of that, she was acting like someone killed her puppy, and she woke up with the head in her bed. It wasn't that serious. Who hasn't been there? I might have been in same situation with Danny without even knowing it. He certainly didn't seem to care much about me.

School had ended, and after going home, doing some homework, and meandering around my room for a while, I finally decided I should pay Jo a visit.

I tentatively knocked on her door. I was a bundle of frazzled nerves.

"Lacey?"

"Mrs. Masterson." She looked at me sadly. I was sure Jo told her everything. Everything. But she didn't seem upset with me, like I assumed she would be, mostly she just seemed concerned and maybe sympathetic. She was a mother and probably could imagine how her daughter would feel if something happened to her like what had happened to me.

Gesturing for me to enter her home, Jo's mom opened the door wider. "She's upstairs in her room." I smiled weakly at Mrs. Masterson and made my way up the stairs.

Once at the door, I stood there. I was about to enter a war zone. No matter what I said, Jo was going to be on the defensive. She believed she'd been wronged. This was not going to be some kumbaya, hand-holding, conversation. We were going to argue, since we started trying to be friends that is what we've done. Argue.

When I got the nerve, I opened the door. I didn't knock. She wouldn't have answered anyway. When I entered the room, I was met with her sitting on her bed, back to her backboard, arms wrapped around her raised knees, and an angry glare directed towards me.

Neither of us said a word. She was obviously still worked up over something that didn't involve her entirely. Her eyes said it all. She hated me because she loved Danny and I was the one that got him. As if me telling her that Danny and I were together was going to stop her from falling in love with him. From what Phoebe said one day when Sarita was making fun of Jo for dating the _socio_, Danny told Tyler that Jo was like his sister. So, either he was lying, which is highly likely, or Jo was falling in love all by herself with no help from Danny. So, how was I to blame for this mess?

As I stood in the doorway watching Jo glare at me, I felt myself begin to burn inside with anger. She just had to be the person that was wronged. It really – if I allowed the anger to fester, I wouldn't be able to make my point without scratching her judgmental eyes out. I needed to calm down. I quickly took a deep breath before marching to Jo's bed taking a seat at the end farthest from her. Sitting on her bed, I was no longer facing her but the wall in front of me.

I heard her squirm before I turned to look at her.

"Lace – just-" Her eyes were hard and glazed. I was not going to let this turn into a woe is me bit.

"No, Jo. Stop it." I bit out, but that just incited more anger from my former friend.

"Stop what? Being heartbroken, betrayed? Because I don't think you can control that." She batted her eyes furiously biting her bottom lip before rolling her eyes and focusing them on me again. "You lied to me, I was honest with you, and you lied to me, Lace. Don't. Just don't."

I immediately, jumped from the bed spinning around to face her. It took all I had not to yell in Mrs. Masterson's home. I wouldn't disrespect her; she's too nice of a person. "God, why do you have to be this person? Huh, Jo? Why do you have to make everything about you?"

"I – what – I didn't make this about me. I told you I loved Danny and you didn't say anything, Lace. You were with him and you didn't say anything. I don't know why you didn't just tell me; instead, you had to make me look like a fool. I practically told the town, that I was in love with your boyfriend." She said with disdain.

I threw up my hands and turned my back to her shaking my head. I had to get this out I couldn't just brush it under a rug and go on with my life because honestly I came here to hash things out and possibly move on. As friends. Roughly running my hand through my hair and shoving it behind my ears, I refaced her still sitting on her bed, eyes ablaze with self-righteousness. "That's not my fault. No one told you to do that. We weren't even together then Jo." I said pointedly. "Don't you remember how upset _we_ were that he lied to us about the necklace? He lied to me. I can't trust him. I broke up with him. I didn't think it mattered. Why would it matter? How was _I_ supposed to know that some creep loser had a video of me and Danny hooking up? And don't get me started about lies. If I lied to you, you certainly lied to me. Why didn't you tell me that you were going to speak on Danny's behalf? Since you were _so_ honest with me."

Jo didn't respond. I had no idea what was going through her mind. Couldn't she that things weren't unicorns crapping rainbows for me?

Jo opened her mouth then abruptly clamped it shut. She glowered at me for a few second before worrying her bottom lip and turning to peer out her window. I didn't care how much egg was running down her face; she was going to hear me out.

"Yeah, Jo, everybody has seen me. They saw me. More of me than I ever wanted anybody other than Danny to see." Jo swiftly found my eyes, but I averted them looking out the window she had just turned from. I didn't mean to say that. I pulled back my tears; I was so tired of crying tears no one cared about. "Jo, my parents know about the video. Thank goodness they haven't seen the video, but now I'm their wild daughter. And school. Sure it was okay for Danny; nobody is going to call him a slut for sleeping with me. I know you've heard it. You have no idea how hard it's been for me."

Deflated, I sat back down on the bed facing Jo. "Do I really care about Sarita and the rest of them and their friendship? I haven't really cared about that for a while. It wasn't the same…but they control the school and…things have been terrible. And what's worse, Jo, I don't have you or Danny." They fell from my eyes. The tears fell but I swiped them away until they were no more. I didn't cry. I learned not to do that a long time ago.

Through the haze of glassy eyes, I saw Jo's emotions soften then instantly harden.

I didn't know she was this self-centered.

"I don't know what I expected from you, sympathy, compassion, understanding? I don't know, but I do know that I want you to know that I was glad that we were becoming friends again. Believe it or not, I missed you. The you that had my back. I really liked having a friend, someone I could trust."

Sadly, I rose from the bed not sparing Jo another glance.

**Did you catch the reference to the Godfather? **

**The next chapter is Danny and Lacey. **

**Hope to have this all completed before the show airs Tuesday, fingers crossed. **

**nakala**


	3. Chapter 3

**Just so you know I wrote this way before the summer finale so, it doesn't follow that. Read this as if the summer finale didn't happen because prior to the finale Danny hasn't shown much concern about anything that has affected Lacey personally. **

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned at least Lacey's character, so she would get more of a voice. **

"So how'd it go with Jo?"

I was sitting on the patio looking out at the woods behind our house when I heard Danny approach. I chose not to answer him. He was starting to grate on my nerves. _It_ was starting to pound a fist on one of the few buttons I have.

He strolled over joining me on the porch swing. "Hey, did you hear me?" He questioned peering at me.

I wouldn't chance a glance in his direction. His big, round, dark eyes would have done me in. "I heard you, Danny." The words left my mouth just as I needed, rough around the edges. Hopefully, I could maintain that same asperity throughout his unexpected visit.

"So?"

Just like Danny to ignore the venom poisoning my tone. "She was Jo." I hissed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I could hear the simmering of agitation peaking into his voice. But I didn't care. It wasn't like he ever cared for me.

"It means what it means, Danny. If you want to know more than that then go ask the most important person in your life how it went." I still didn't turn to look at him. I felt him stiffen beside me, though. I guess I could handle this. I could handle him like he had been handling me since the beginning.

I don't think he knew that I knew that about him. About how he felt about Jo.

He didn't respond for a while. That wasn't like him. He was a talker with the tendency to control everything, the conversations, my actions. He was forceful that way, manipulative. I don't know if that part of him was intentional or not. Or the manifestation of the survival tactics he picked up in juvie. Either way, I was way beyond being dealt with in such a manner. If he didn't have anything else to say, neither did I.

For the twenty minutes we sat in silence, I allowed my mind to wonder away from Danny, Jo, and my messy life. I lost myself in the beauty of the season. In the orange and golden leaves. The cool fresh chill in the air. I needed so badly for everything with Jo and Danny to blow over. Fly away on the autumn breeze and everything just be okay again. I couldn't have that; so, I took in the moment, probably one of the few I would be getting in the near future.

I had just closed my eyes, probably about to doze off, when Danny decided to finally say something. "What are you getting at, Lace?"

I could hear the furrowed brow in his voice. How dare I be evasive with him? I shook my head. "You're a smart boy, Danny; you tell me." I replied flippantly as I rolled my eyes. I didn't want to do this with him. Not today, not when I was finally having a moment of peace. We all know I didn't have to. As I iterated earlier, he was a smart boy, he'd figure it out. That is if he wanted to.

He turned to face me with his whole body, his knees barely touching mine, but I remained unflappable with my eyes to the woods. I made no show of the emotions battling it out within me.

"What are you trying to say, Lacey? If you have something to say, just say it." He breathed through a barely concealed temper. I guess he didn't _want_ to be the smart boy we all knew he was.

"You heard me the first time. I'm not repeating myself. If you want more, you know where to go." I could feel myself getting more irritated by the minute. He knew; I knew he did. He just didn't want to know. He didn't want to get into anything serious, not with me. He just wanted me to be good, ole, compliant Lace. I was over it.

So was Danny because he was certainly becoming increasingly upset the more I evaded his questions, which were really all the same question. "You know Jo isn't talking to me. What's wrong with you? Why are you acting like this?"

I rolled my eyes then turned to finally look him in his demanding eyes too furious to be affected. I chuckled mirthlessly. "What's wrong with me? Really, Danny, as if you want to know. Just go."

Danny Desai's lids fell heavily over his enigmatic eyes as his fingers rose to worry the bridge of his nose. When he opened them, his temperament was schooled, replaced with exasperation. "Lacey, I want to know."

"No you don't," I said as I directed my gaze back to the wooded area. "You really don't, Danny. If you did, you wouldn't have to ask. So, for real, just go. Go apologize to your best friend."

"I'm trying here, Lace." He covered his face with his hands, took a deep breath, then lowered them. "I really am trying. Come on, what's going on?"

That was it. That was the straw, and I lost it. "Trying? Isn't that rich. Danny Desai trying for me." I got up from the swing bounding toward the edge of our backyard and away from my ex-boyfriend. I needed to be as far from him as possible.

"I am-"

"No, Danny." I screeched spinning around to level Danny enough to keep him from coming closer. "You do not get to try now."

"What do mean now? I've been there for you. I have tried so hard with you."

"No. Not really. Not then and definitely not now. I know I'm not a priority. I'm not Jo." Danny opened his mouth, but I cut him off. "I don't get to be vulnerable or God forbid need _you_ to understand what _I'm _going through. No. I'm Lacey little-miss-popular-world-on-a-silver-platter. But I was there too, Danny. My life got flipped upside down _too_. Just like Jo, but I'm Satan for handling things my own way." Deflating a little, I spoke to the ground. "I bet you had no idea I recently found out that my dad is gay." It wasn't a question; I don't even think I meant to say it out loud. I know I didn't say it for his sympathy.

He stepped closer to me, but not too close. I looked like I would really lose it if he got any closer than he already was. He was right in keeping his distance, but he was too bold to keep his mouth shut. "Because you didn't tell me."

His patronizing tone incensed me, teasing the fury that bubbled underneath the surface. If he only knew how much his calm collected demeanor burned my blood.

"You never tell me anything, Lacey. So, how was I supposed to know?"

I started to cry. I couldn't believe him. Before I got out of control, I sucked in a few deep breaths, evened my breathing, and suppress the rest of my tears. "Because you don't want to hear it from me." My voice sounded like it was being raked over with sandpaper. "At least that's all I can assume because you never asked. Never. Not how I was doing, or how I was dealing with things. You just knew, huh? And if that wasn't it, what was I supposed to think. You _never_ let me in. You poured your heart out to Jo, but when I tried to talk to you – be there for you – you shut me out. That's not what you wanted from me. You had Jo for that; so, I didn't."

"Why didn't you say anything? You could have said something."

"You wouldn't have heard me. You were too busy worrying about Jo's fragile psyche to care about anything involving me."

His exterior finally cracked, and I saw beyond his meticulously crafted mask. "What – I care about you – you broke-"

"I'm not talking about hooking up. I'm talking about something more. You were never interested in _all_ of me. You didn't care – or appreciate what I gave up for you."

"Yes I did."

"No you didn't, Danny. You just wanted me to do things your way, on your time. It was all about getting what _you_ wanted, with no consideration of what it was doing to me."

"How can you say this crap? I didn't tell anybody about us. _ You_ wanted to keep us a secret, and I did. I kept us a secret even from Jo. The one person we should have told – I should have told – but _you_ didn't want to. Guess what, she found out anyway and now she's not talking to either of us. When all she wanted to do was be a good friend."

"Wow, you're amazing. I don't even think you realize that you do it. It always goes back to Jo. And don't. You never conceded anything without a fight. With Jo, you just give in. Even now that's what you're doing, just giving in. Okay, so she loves you and maybe you don't like her back – though it doesn't seem that way to me – but Danny she's not the only one that was affected by the video."

I staggered back a step or two from Danny who was staring at me in deep contemplation. "I'm sure you got the video just like the rest of the school. Everyone saw me with you. I am now the school slut, Danny. I am the wacked out chick who hooked up with a murderer." I started pacing. "I'm starting to think they're right. I mean, I was in a relationship with someone who couldn't care any less that his ex-girlfriend and – I thought – friend has been publically humiliated. And what's worse, my reasoning for trying to stop the video from being released was to protect poor Jo. What about me? Huh?"

He reached his hand out to me as he moved forward. "Don't Danny," I muttered as a tear finally escaped my hold. "I – it's fine. I'm fine – I don't need you now. Just go." I averted my eyes from his emotion torn gaze.

"Lacey, I – I didn't know. I'm such an idiot. You gotta know that I care for you. I do. A lot. I don't love-"

"I don't want to hear it." I groaned raising my eyes to meet his. "Just please, Danny, go."

He stood stark still eyes fixed on me trying to figure out what to say, but I didn't have any more energy to continue. I was spent.

Wiping tears from my eyes, I shuffled past Danny to my house. Just as the backdoor was closing I heard him yelling. "I don't love Jo. I love-" The door slammed shut before I heard the end.

**I hope you liked. **

**Next chapter is more Dacey interaction. **

**nakala**


	4. Chapter 4

I kept my head down as I stalked through the halls to my locker. I could feel their eyes on me. I heard their whispers. Some of them weren't even attempting to whisper. It was to be expected.

It had been almost a week since the release of the video, but that didn't stop me from being the center of attention. This scandal was going to be the talk for while. Raunchy video starring the most popular girl in the school. It didn't hurt that everyone had been dreaming of my fall from the ivory tower since I started high school.

It wasn't like I was the wicked witch of the East or anything. Just passive. I didn't always involve myself in Regina or Sarita's antics, but I guess I didn't stop them either. I wasn't really a bully or a 'mean girl' per se; I just treated most people as if they didn't exist. I had to, if I was to maintain my normal. The normal that I had created. Was it wrong? Was I wrong? Yes, I believe I was; there's no way of getting around that. So, I got it. I got why everyone jumped on the let's publically shun and bully Lacey bandwagon. I didn't begrudge them the satisfaction of me getting my comeuppance. Those people never really mattered much to me anyway. I was just grateful no one was cornering me and chanting obscenities or something crazy like that. However, there was this one thing when I returned to school after the release of the video.

I had entered school inconspicuously trying my best to keep a low profile, which worked. Of course, the murmurs and stuff could be heard, but what really rocked my world was the graffiti painted all over my locker. When I laid my eyes on the offensive art and cruel untrue words, I felt my knees go weak and my vision blur. Tears were threatening to dance from my eyes, but I couldn't. I couldn't show them my weakness. I had to stand tall; so, I did. I steadied my trembling knees, blinked back the tears, and willed the darkness of fainting away. This was my bed. I would lay in it. At that time, more than any, I really wished I had Danny: I wished that Jo was still my friend. But I didn't have either of them. I had myself. I've learned I would always have myself.

My locker was cleaned, now. It took the principal more days to get down than I thought necessary, but at least it was gone. I opened my locker, grabbed my books and headed toward my first class. On my way, I passed Jo standing at her locker with that guy, Rico – he said his mane was – she's always with. I couldn't help myself; I lifted my head, and when I did our eyes met. That tell-tell feeling pricked behind my eyes. The crystal blues glaring back at me were so blank and unaffected. After a few seconds, she rolled her eyes away from me and smiled at Rico as he spoke animatedly.

I hated the feeling of loneliness that followed me everywhere I went. I didn't have Danny, Jo, or any of my other friends. Granted, I wondered if I ever really had Danny in the first place. He was rarely honest and despite our intense connection, something was missing. I missed him anyway though. I missed everything. His touch. His voice. His penetrating gaze. I missed him, but I wasn't sure if I wanted him or if he even wanted me. No one wanted me. Not Jo, definitely not Jo, and certainly not Sarita. I missed her too, even if I never really like her or her conniving ways from the beginning. I just hated being alone. Maybe Phoebe would come around. Unlikely. Especially after the way Regina, Sarita, and I exiled her from our little group.

Following my bright sunshiny morning, my day kind of just muddled along. I attended classes and ate lunch in my car all in a daze. It wasn't until after school that became aware of anything. That's when I was finally snapped out of my trance.

I was so relieved when I finally exited the school building. Another day done and I hadn't lost my mind or punched anyone in the mouth. All in all, a passable day, if I could make it through this one I could make it through them all. However, the moment my car was within sight that optimism was snuffed out like a fire in a vacuum. On the hood of my car sat Danny Desai, my ex-boyfriend.

I stalled. My feet wouldn't move. His hard black eyes froze me where I stood. My heart began pounding with anger, and my blood suffused with emotions I'd tried to ignore since our confrontation a couple of days ago. I just wanted to…there were a number of things. Instead, I gave myself a mental slap, put my face on straight, and marched to my car with the autumn breeze riding in my hair.

"This thing is pretty grimy, Lacey, have you washed it since that trip to Connecticut?" Though loathed to admit it, my heart jerked when I caught a glimpse of that wicked side smirk of his.

I didn't stop or acknowledge him any more than my brief lapse a few yards back. I just glided past him, unlocked my door, and entered my car without speaking.

Unfortunately, when I unlocked my door I unlocked them all accidentally. Consequently, Danny jumped into the passenger seat before I could crank the vehicle and pull off.

Immediately, I tried to get rid of him. "Jo's probably home by now, shouldn't you be on your way over to check on her, you know, make sure she's _coping_ with everything that's going wrong in her life?" I said as I turned to Danny who was still looking out the windshield.

"No. I came to talk to you." He sounded weary.

Oh well. "It must be my lucky day. Danny Desai came to talk to me," I said as I looked out the front window smirking – maybe a taste of his sarcastic avoidance would get rid of him, "that or I've sprouted blonde hair and you've mistaken me for Jo." A deceptively broad smile spread across my face as I looked at the side of his russet face.

As he took in a deep breath, I returned my eyes to the view ahead.

"Lacey, I'm serious," he forced out glaring at my profile.

"I've been there. It sucks; doesn't it?" I closed my eyes afraid of seeing his gorgeous eyes in my peripheral.

"Come on, we need to talk. Can we do that?" he pleaded.

Keeping up with my brave front, "I'd much rather you get out of my car and go do something we both know you'd rather be doing."

Danny's piercing eyes nearly paralyzed me. "I don't know what it is you think I'd rather be doing than being here with you, but you're wrong."

Nearly.

I rolled my eyes then cranked the car. "Whatever, say what you got to say. You have until I get to your house."

As we drove out of the parking lot he didn't say anything. It didn't bother me – not much – it was his time he was wasting. It wasn't until I was driving through town that he finally started to speak.

"I'm sorry."

I didn't offer a response. Of course he was.

"I…Lacey, you – I should have been there for you when the video came out. I should have been more understanding about your friends."

"Danny-"

"No, Lace, you were right – I didn't really try." His eyes looked at me apologetically. "Honestly – I was – you were my escape from all of that. I felt so happy around you. I didn't want to ruin that. I didn't want to bring all of my darkness into our relationship."

"I wouldn't have seen it that way," I muttered.

"I did."

"Why? Why could you do that with Jo and not with me?"

"Jo was already in on it from the beginning – on my side – she was a part of all of that as much as I was. She accepted it. Welcomed it. Welcomed me – you coined the phrase, socio."

I cut across his words before he could continue. "I'm sorry about that Danny. I didn't really mean it. Not really. It was just a way for me to get some of the spotlight off of me, and stop the questions."

He didn't address my apology but continued with his previous line of conversation. "Jo accepted me, the murderer, and believed me when I told her I had my reasons. With you it was different. I didn't want to scare you away. I – you demanded more answers, but I couldn't because you were already so shaky about everything. About us. I didn't want to lose you."

Incredulous, I had to know, "You didn't have to worry about that with Jo?"

"No."

"I guess that's why she's the most important person in your life, huh? I could never be-"

"It's not like that Lacey. It's – it's…things with Jo – they're different-"

"I don't want-"

"Just listen. With you I have this undeniably, uncontrollable connection. It's complicated because it depends on you and how you see me. If-"

"If you were so concerned with how I _perceived_ you then why did you try so hard to get me to go public, and why were you always ragging on my friends and keeping secrets? Don't you think-"

"I thought that if you were around me and Jo more or just me then I could make you see _me_, and not everything that everybody else was seeing and saying."

"You wanted to control me." I deadpanned.

"Ugh, it's not – it wasn't like that." He huffed running his hands through his loose hair. "I wasn't – I didn't think – Archie and those girls you hang," I cast him a hardened glare, "okay, hung with, were always bashing me and making you do things. Things I don't think you wanted to do. I couldn't help myself. When it comes to you – I needed you to see me and not all the other stuff because if you dwelled on the fact that I killed my aunt or that I was – am a suspect in Regina's murder; well, if you thought about it long enough, I was sure you'd be gone."

He looked at me askant. I didn't know for what. Confirmation. Denial. I gave him nothing because I didn't have anything to give.

"We're not friends, Lace. I don't think we can ever be friends. Friends don't just leave you."

_You left._ That's what I wanted to say. Instead, my eyebrows furrowed deeply with confusion.

"What's here," he gestured between me and him, "between us, it – being your friend, Lace, would be too hard for me."

"I don't understand."

"With Jo, I couldn't talk to her about us, no, but she's like my sister, like family. Yeah, she gets mad at me, but I know she would never abandon me or leave me for good. At least before now," he said with a sad smirk on his lips. "She was my constant. When I couldn't trust my mother to be there for me, I knew I had Jo. I knew she would always be there." He glared at me pensively as I parked the car in front of his house, and then continued. "You could leave. You have left – I was wrong; I know now. I should have told you about the necklace. It wasn't just that, though. I – what I feel for you is nowhere near friendly."

I swallowed hard feeling like a bird trapped in a cage. My palms were sweating and my breathing deep and heavy. I wanted to run away.

I couldn't speak.

"Lacey, I miss you, and believe me when I say that I'm so sorry and so stupid for not being there for you before and after the video." His hand twitched. I think – know – he wanted to touch me. Help me feel his sincerity. That one, very hands on. I like that about him. It was reassuring.

With my breathing returned to normal, I finally felt I could speak to him without freaking out. I twisted in my seat to face him head on. "I believe you. I do, but can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, anything."

Taking a deep breath, "When the video came out, why didn't you – why didn't you make sure I was okay? I mean, why didn't you think I needed you? I guess that's what I'm trying to say."

Danny's eyes dropped from mine staring at the dusty floorboard of my car. He sat silently for a spell before he returned his hurt gaze back to me. His trademark smirk slipped onto his lips then faded just as quickly as it appeared. "I didn't know you needed me."

My eyebrows knitted in misunderstanding.

"Lacey, you seem so apathetic. Like, I never see you cry – not that I want you to. Yeah, you get frustrated. You get very angry, but rarely have I seen you sad or just openly emotional. When your mask does crack you cover it back up and shut everything and everyone out. Even me. You always have to be 'strong Lacey."

I looked away. "That didn't mean I didn't need or _want_ you." I turned my beaming eyes to his.

"How was I supposed to know that? There's always this push and pull with you and me. I pull you push. _You _pull then _you_ push. I just – you make it so hard."

My breath caught. I felt the tears surfacing, but I couldn't. I didn't know if I could cry in front of him. Everything he was saying was true, but how could I just break five years of conditioning.

"God Lacey, you're doing it now. I see it. I can see something behind your eyes, but you won't let it go. How do you expect me to be there for you when you won't let me? Sure, I should have tried harder, but Lace, I'm not psychic. You _cannot_ expect me just to know what's wrong with you or if something is bothering you, if you never show me or let me know. I don't know, Lacey, I really don't know. I love you, but I can't do _this_ with you right now. You can't ask me something and then not follow through. I-" With a frustrated sigh he exited my vehicle. He walked to his home without looking back. My eyes trailed him.

When his front door closed, I jumped and the tears spilled from my eyes in his absence. He said he loved me.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

After the eye opening conversation with Danny, I was practically comatose. I couldn't find the energy to respond to any outside stimuli nor was I aware of anything happening around me. Danny had held up a mirror to my face shining a light on my shortcomings. I couldn't deny the fact that he was right, for the most part. I wasn't the carefree, easy-going 11-year-old girl he used to know. Instead, I had developed into a person who kept herself guarded behind a fortress. More so than most people. He was right. What he didn't know was why.

The blame for his ignorance lay solely on me. I couldn't tell him that it was because of him. My insecurities and fears were his fault. Because he left me.

A highly emotional person, I had to find a way to protect myself from ever being hurt the way that Danny hurt me when he left. I would never be hurt like that again. I learned to keep my heart away from my sleeve. I learned to rely on myself; I couldn't rely on Jo, and Danny was gone. I had to let them both go, and in doing so I let myself go and the light that used to burst from me faded. I learned never to give away more of myself than I could afford to lose. I regretted keeping a part of myself from Danny even if he kept a part of himself from me. I guess we were both to blame for the demise of our Shakespearean-esque tryst, both too afraid to be all in. Too worried that the other didn't want the broken pieces.

Pieces I tried to show Jo, but found she wasn't ready to see. Our relationship, as strained as it was, couldn't bare all of me.

I wasn't surprised. Half the time I couldn't withstand the worst of my own emotions. Emotions that went haywire when Danny told me that he loved me. Insecurities, hopes, fears. Did he really love me? Or was it something else altogether. I couldn't process it. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to. To do so would mean untangling the bramble of emotions coursing through my system.

I was clueless and afraid. I had no idea how to handle the enormity of my feelings. After keeping myself from feeling for so long, I was uncertain if I wanted to experience the agony, pain, and exuberance I knew lie below the surface. I didn't want to succumb to any outward manifestation that would leave me vulnerable and open to surprise, good or bad. Nothing ever went the way I wanted it to.

On the drive home from Danny's, I surrendered to those stretching moments of weakness. I submersed myself in the confusion, embraced the rejection, and absorbed the despair. I took the long way home to be all of me. To feel everything that I'd buried deep inside of me lost like a sunken treasure at sea.

My mom, Dad, Danny, Jo, Archie, Regina. I cried. For everything, I cried. I felt. It hurt, but I continued to feel until my home came into view and I parked in the garage. Once the churn of the aged engine ceased and I exited the car, I locked it all away again.

I sucked it all up, dried my tears like a big girl, squared my shoulders, put on my face, and presented myself as Lacey Porter for my family like always.

A regretful smile leaked onto my face. If only they could see beyond _Lacey Porter. _As I made it to the entrance of my home, the smile quickly faded. Walking through my home, an overwhelming, searing numbness assaulted my senses paralyzing me. It was unfamiliar. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was _supposed_ to be easier. I was supposed to fall into myself unaffected. It was all_ supposed_ to just go away. But it didn't.

It was like an outer body experience. It was as if I was watching a stranger, maybe I was because the Lacey I knew didn't have a problem controlling her emotions. She knew how to secure the barriers of protection that kept her safe.

But I wasn't.

There was a shadow hovering over me clouding my once deceptive eyes.

I was failing at shielding myself. Failing at doing what I did best…hide.

My walls were weak and broken and I couldn't keep it from myself. I couldn't protect myself from the tap, tap, tap of utter chaos beating on the walls of my heart. Yet, I didn't have a choice. That dam could not burst.

School was no different the following day. Blessing? Curse? All I know is that I didn't hear the snide remarks. My eyes didn't see the upturned noses or rolling eyes. None of it registered. I was a drifting leaf in the wind. How I managed to get through the day is a wonder. I didn't notice Jo or her weird friend when I passed by her locker.

Everything was nothing.

I was nothing.

A vapor wafting through the halls. Everyone else was just bees buzzing in the background.

The day ended without my participation. When I came to, I was at home in my room fighting back renegade tears.

Happy face for the family. Happy face for myself. Hiding my face.

I blamed Danny. I was fine until he showed up all dark, brooding, and insanely compelling throwing my world into a tailspin. I knew I shouldn't have been sucked into his vortex; I shouldn't have allowed myself the pleasure of tasting the forbidden fruit. It was never-ending drama that I wasn't prepared for.

While I sat staring blankly out of my balcony doors at the calm forestry, I thought of peace. Longed for it. Tried to beckon it to me. Attempted to delude myself that things were still the same. That I was okay and untainted by Danny's spontaneous proclamation and Jo's rejection.

Pretending was all I could do. I pretended down the stairs. I pretended with my brightest smile and wittiest barb. I pretended myself into my car and down the street through town in a lonely haze.

When the fog lifted, I was parked in front of Danny's house with the low hum of my rattling engine keeping me company.

I sat in my car debating if I wanted to go inside for some time.

A dog barked from a couple of houses down the street bringing me back to my senses. Immediately, I cut off the car – gas. The silence was deafening, suffocating. With no other ideas of what to do, I hesitantly climbed from my car dragging my feet all the way to the Desai front door. I stood at the door frozen by the magnitude of the troubles swimming around in my head and heart. It might have been five minutes or more before I was face to face with Karen Desai.

"Lacey?" The surprise was evident and it hurt a little coming from her. She had to be expecting Jo.

"Hey, Mrs. Desai." I spoke, voice tight with concealed emotion.

"Oh, forgive me Lacey. Here to see Danny?" How are you?" She gestured me into her home as she prattled off her questions.

"Yes, I'm fine."

Danny's mom must have caught the flicker of doubt in my eyes because she suspiciously questioned me further. "You sure?"

"Yes," deep breath, "really, I'm fine. Danny?"

"He's upstairs in his room. You know the way." I felt her eyes peering through me as I nodded my head and turned to face the stairway leading to my ex-boyfriend's room.

I took my time. Or more like time took me. Three times, I nearly turned around and rushed from the Desai house. When I'd finally made up my mind about leaving, it was too late. I was at his door.

Deep breaths in, feet squared, hand raised to knock on his door when the door suddenly flew open. Startled, I stumbled backward.

"Hey, Lace. I heard you coming up the stairs." He turned his lips into that crooked smile of his and it happened. I let it happen. I shed a tear, just the one then they all seemed to follow suit.

"Lace – hey – are you-"

"I missed you too." The words leaked from my mouth coated in more tears. Before the last word breached my lips, Danny grabbed my arm pulling me into his room and onto the edge of his bed as I balled my eyes out. Cautiously, he wrapped his arms around me loosely.

I felt like an idiot. A liberated idiot, but an idiot nonetheless. I hated that there wasn't a _single_ reason why I was now an inconsolable mess.

As I buried my face into Danny's chest, essentially baring my soul, his doubtful hold tightened surrounding me in his arms. He held me firmly whispering soothing words into my hair. His warm hands rubbing my back consolingly urged more tears from my eyes. With each stroke, doubts concerning his love for me faded into nothing and my heart filled with the love I long denied it.

Overwhelmed, I pulled my hands from my lap wrapping my arms around Danny's waist hugging him with all my strength. I opened my mouth to relay this new revelation, but my words came out a muffled, mumbling murmur blurted hurriedly into his tear-soaked chest. He didn't say anything as he leaned back eyeing me imploring curiously. His eyes alight with humor. I peered up at him with glazed eyes as I looked into his eyes a spark sent fire up my spine shooting out to every extremity and a blaze ignited in my heart. His searching eyes pierced my very soul seizing me.

He felt it. The warmth between us transformed his smiling gaze into a darkened leer.

On its own accord, my hand left his waist traveling around his side gliding over his taunt abdomen past his rapidly beating heart moving along his neck landing on his smooth cheek. He pressed his face into my palm as my thumb traced his lower lip. My thumb roamed over his supple lip coaxing his eyelids to flutter shut. The moment his long lashes brushed his cheeks he opened his mouth sucking in a large gulp of air. Consumed with the need to feel his mouth on mine I placed my quivering lips on top of his.

His body stiffened, initially; however, as I increased pressure he gave in.

Our breathing synchronized as we fell into each other. Instead of the greedy explorative kisses from before, Danny ravished me with slow languid caresses of his lips. His hands left my back trailing scorching touches up to my neck where he buried his hands into my hair at the nape. Taking full control, he tilted my head back while drawing me closer deepening the kiss. The heat of his mouth elicited a guttural, throaty moan from me, which was met with a quick stretch of Danny's lips over mine.

A victory smile. The cocky loser.

Ego properly stroked, he led me to the center of his bed where he continued kissing me tenderly. Strong, gentle hands were everywhere, though, not in the typical feverish teenage manner, but lovingly and deliberate. He wanted me know he was savoring every inch of my body.

Danny slid his hands up my arms untangling my fingers from his hair, placing our joined hands over my head. His lips moved from mine to my cheek where he pressed his lips into the soft flesh causing me to giggle. The chuckle caught in my throat as his mouth found my neck. My mind blanked, lost to his breath ghosting over my pulse point followed by the faint brush of his teeth then his tongue.

I was taken away by the moment. Unbelievably shocked that this was happening again, Danny and I were happening again. .

Were we really?

Were we happening again, and would it be like before?

I was yanked from my musings when I felt his soft, warm lips rest on my collarbone. I stopped breathing when his hands left mine for my thighs. Wanting a little control of my own I dug my fingers into his silky hair tugging his head until his eyes were level with mine and my lips could feel his. I poured every ounce of passion, doubt, and every bit of love into this kiss. It must have been just what Danny wanted because I felt his hand roam under my skirt.

Separating my mouth from his I tried to find my voice. "Wait" I mumbled breathlessly grabbing his wayward hand.

"What? Noo, no, no, no, Lace. Nooo." Danny whined crashing his mouth into mine hard.

With feather - light kisses to his lips I pushed him away a second time, I tried to appeal to his more rational side. "We can't do this."

I was sure he would know why, but I should have known better.

"Yes, yes we can. We both know you want to. I don't see why we shouldn't."

I smirked at his impatience. "Your mom."

Talking with his lips hovering over mine, Danny continued to persuade me as best he could. "So, she won't come up. And she won't hear anything."

I nudged his shoulder removing my hand from his hair. "I don't think your room is sound proof. Even if it was, I'm not doing that while your mom is still in the house," I chuckled.

"I can go tell her to step out for a couple of hours." He whispered through his wickedly enticing up-turned lips as he brushed my hair behind my left ear.

He was serious. I spied the determination in his ebony eyes. However, so was I.

I gently shoved Danny aside and sat up on his bed adjusting my clothes and fixing my hair. We didn't need to start off on this foot, especially not with his mom a floor away. Dejected, Danny slid up on the bed beside me taking my hand in his once he settled. Silence covered the both of us while I summoned the courage to express myself without a filter. It was my turn to share.

Wanting to get this over with as soon as possible, I opened my mouth ready to bare all, but nothing came out. Panic set in, and my mouth went dry and my palms started to sweat. I had to do this. I was sure that this was the time; any other time would be too late. I tried to extract my hand from Danny's, but he held on tighter.

My chest began to heave up and down with labored inhalation. I could feel his scrutinizing gaze burning the side of my face, but I kept my eyes to my lap. This was already hard enough without his unarming gaze standing me down. I opened my mouth again but promptly shut it. There was no way I could lead with that. After repeating the same process a few times, frustration lodged in the pit of my stomach replacing anxiety. I sat there like a festering pimple dumbly fidgeting with the hem of my skirt. This was stupid. Why couldn't I do this?

Taking pity on me, Danny broke the awkward tension I'd created with his sometimes annoying, witty charm. Sometimes. "So…you really missed me, huh?" He sniggered taking my chin in his fingers and turning my face to his.

My cheeks blossomed with heat as I smiled coyly. "I guess so."

Rubbing my cheek with the back of his hand, "Now, that you've found your voice, what's going on. You okay?"

I huffed out a long breath that puffed out my cheeks. "I – I, yeah – I'm fine." I rolled my eyes. Could I be more of a loser?

Danny released my hand and turned his face from mine. I couldn't believe I'd just did that. The very thing that separated us in the first place. I didn't want to say that. I wanted to explain. I had to.

"Lace," exasperation tempered his calm voice, "I can't – just-"

Before he could kick me out, I cut the crap and just went with whatever would make it out of my mouth. "Okay, Danny. Here it is. I missed you. Like missed you so much – so much, it scared me. Even sitting here with you now terrifies me because it's only for right now. What about tomorrow or the day after that? Later? I know I kind of gave up on you before-"

"Kind of?"

"Yes, Danny because even if you didn't know it I never let you go. I – maybe I just needed time – but," I chuckled to myself, "you're so impatient." I fell silent. My hand stretched out for his, but he balled it into a fist. I swallowed deeply before continuing. "Danny, I wasn't the only person to leave someone." His eyes hardened with confusion. "You left me first, Danny. For five years, I lost my best friend. You left me first," I finished lamely glancing up at him hoping he understood my meaning.

"Lace, I-"

"I don't care anymore, Danny. It doesn't really matter. You did what you did for whatever reasons. It's done; you're back now, but for how long. You're implicated in Regina's murder. I can't lose you again. I don't know who I'd become if that happened to me again." Tears sprung into my eyes, but I didn't bat them away or try to hide them. I needed Danny to see. I wanted him to see that I was there and I wasn't running away.

"You'd be fine. I mean, look at you, you're strong-"

"Stop lying. I don't know what I am, least of all strong. Coward maybe. Afraid. Danny, I couldn't handle it. I didn't handle it. I retreated to this place inside of myself. I stopped really living. I've only been going through the motions. Even sometimes with you, too afraid to feel. To accept…"

"I know I said it before and thought maybe it was good enough but it – I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"How could you?" I smiled morosely, "I never told you."

Danny opened his mouth but really what could he have to say that would change anything. So, I spoke for him. "You were right." A smug grin overtook his sympathetic features. "Not about everything, loser." Yes he was. About everything.

His lips smoothed into a full-fledged smile, one I rarely saw on him, as he shook his head.

When I reached for his hand this time his fingers immediately tangled with mine. Heaving a breath of relief, I laid my head on his shoulder. Before long, I felt Danny's head on top of mine. A long sigh sent a rush of his cinnamon spice breath over my face. It must have been just as hard for him.

However, we'd only scratched the surface of things we needed to discuss: Danny's flippant declaration of love and where we were going from this point to start. For a moment, though, we needed to soak up the comfort we undoubtedly felt in each other's arms. We just needed to be.

I already knew what I wanted. I was ready to shed Lacey the public persona and move on with Danny ridicule or not. I was damaged goods in everyone's eyes anyway, me not being with Danny wasn't going to prove a point or make me anymore closer to the status I once had. It would only hurt me. I wanted Danny, although, I needed to know what Danny's expectations were. I needed to hear what he wanted.

Without bothering to move, I finally spoke what was on my mind without mincing words. "Danny."

"Hmm," he hummed and it reverberated through me lighting up every nerve in body.

I held up our connected hands. "Where do we go from here?"

"What do you want?" Sounding distant, he wasted no time responding.

This was it I could continue – insanely – along the same cowardly path I've suffered on since he returned to me or I could step from the shadows and be honest with Danny and myself. "I want you." I anticipated strong but the words came out feeble. His hand flexed against my own. He didn't say anything but his doubt shrouded any hopes he still held onto. He didn't voice it, but I knew. "I want you." This time with more force and surety. He would not doubt me. I wouldn't let him.

I slid from his side to sit facing him Indian-style taking his hand into both of mine. With his head downcast Danny looked up through his lashes speaking before I could.

"Really?"

The words weren't spoken but the intimation was clear, _all of me._

I looked into his eyes and replied, "Yes, really." I meant it. All of him.

I expected excitement at the most or a shift in countenance at the least. Something. But I got nothing not even from his posture. I didn't even get that playful smirk he's so skillful with. Nonplussed, I tried to capture Danny's eyes, but he refused. That shouldn't be happening now.

"Hey what's wrong? I know you heard me." At my soft voice, he finally met my eyes.

"The last time – we…things – there were limitations. Boundaries you didn't want to cross. I lied and said I understood when I – well I did – but a selfish part of me didn't want to. I couldn't stand the distance between us. I survived the last time the best I could. I won't – I can't do that this time. All of me? I _need_ all of you, Lace."

My eyes watered. I didn't think it mattered this much that we weren't _out_, but I was wrong. I placed my hand on his jaw lifting his head so that his eyes were in line with mine unobstructed. "Babe," a mirthless laugh issued from me, "not that it really matters now, but even if it did, I couldn't pretend. I wouldn't want to pretend I don't know you at any time or place. I must not have made myself clear before, but this between us," I gestured between the two of us, "you're the most important person in my life Danny. All of the blubbering self-expression and mask removal should have been as big a sign as any that I'm all in. You get all of me. All of me Danny and you can't give it back because it isn't pretty or as enticing as you thought it was. I'm not this perfect person, we both know, and I'm not going to change into this open, emotionally mature person over night. I had five years of becoming the emotionally stunted person I'm trying my hardest not to be." I caressed his jaw as I continued. "There are going to be times I shut down and push you away, revert back to old habits, but I got to know you won't get mad and leave me. It's going to take everything I have not to be that person."

I sucked in a deep breath calming my shaky nerves, "Danny, as long as you're willing to be there after the bomb drops, you got me. I don't want anybody but you. _All _of you. I love you and I wouldn't want anything less."

Danny's eyes smiled up at me as his free hand grabbed the hand cupping his cheek. "You love me?"

I laughed wholeheartedly. "You said it first."

"I did, didn't I?" Realization dawned on him.

"Yes. Such the romantic." I grumbled poking him in the chest, but smiling at our hands now joined in his lap.

"I know." I rolled my eyes. "I meant it, Lacey. I love you. I'm not going anywhere. I want you, all of you, all the ugly bits." That elicited a swift slap on his shoulder. "I want you to be my girlfriend and go out with me and-"

"Girlfriend?" I questioned with my left brow raised.

"Yep. I never had one. You'd be the first and you can't get out of that this time.

"I wouldn't dream of it Desai."

We wore mirrored grins as we shook our heads at out utter corniness, for once free of the burdens that kept us away from each other.

When our eyes met, I felt myself gravitating toward my boyfriend, just as he was leaning toward me. Meeting him in the middle, I yielded to his tender feverish assault melting into his embrace.

**Not the end one more chapter to go. **

**If you like what you are reading, please leave a review. **

**Nakala **


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